


Something Profound

by thewinchesterlifestyle



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel in the Bunker, Confessions, Dean Winchester's Soul, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, POV Castiel, Protective Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 20:08:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10951818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewinchesterlifestyle/pseuds/thewinchesterlifestyle
Summary: Laying his hand on Dean Winchester in Hell was the beginning of the end of Castiel, Angel of the Lord, and the conception ofCas. It was the most profound moment in the millennia of his existence.





	Something Profound

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to music on Youtube and the next thing I know I'm opening a Word doc to write this. I don't even really know what this is but I hope you enjoy it.

Laying his hand on Dean Winchester in Hell was the beginning of the end of Castiel, Angel of the Lord, and the conception of _Cas_. It was the most profound moment in the millennia of his existence. The clearest moment, the most defined and controversial in all of his life.

He lived.

He died.

He lived and died.

Over and over and over again.

A never-ending cycle that somehow kept giving him back this human, this impossible and unique human, after every single time he thought it was the last. Through pain, suffering, laughter, living and dying he still, impossibly, had Dean Winchester.

The very first real, true friend he’d ever had.

A precious life. A life more precious than any other life that would ever be.

It should be impossible to have such a long existence like his tied so intrinsically to a life that was ephemeral in comparison. Humans lived and died, their lives a blink in the existence of an angel, yet _this_ human was different.

Dean Winchester constantly did the impossible. A human unlike any other that had been created.

He had opened Castiel’s eyes for the first time, Dean had pulled Castiel in a direction that Castiel had never thought to look and kept his attention effortlessly. Dean guided and led him down a new path until, instead of leading him, they were walking side by side.

Equals.

Friends.

Family.

Something more…

Something _profound_.

Castiel knew, deep inside, that the feelings he held for Dean were different from any other in creation past, present and future. It took falling, tearing through the sky and slamming into cold, unforgiving Earth as a human to realize the depth he’d only barely grasped the meaning of with the distance grace gave him weighing him down.

Freed of that inexplicable burden and given the ability to look at his emotions in a completely unobstructed way had been an unexpected gift.

As a human capable of experiencing emotion in a completely new, terrifying way, he was finally able to see the truth of it. Pain was sharper, blinding and echoing as humanity tried to drag him down. But love, _love_ was a well so deep it was impossible to ever dream of touching the bottom.

It took losing part of himself, the part he had thought made him up in his entirety, to realize the depth of emotion he felt for Dean Winchester was bottomless.

There wasn’t enough space in the world, in all of creation, to contain the emotion bursting through him the instant he had laid eyes on Dean again. Everything, every pain and ache and second of suffering, vanished in the face of one human.

****

**_Dean Winchester is saved._ **

 

It was the most important sentence he had ever uttered. The sentence shouted from the Heavens, echoing through Hell and out onto the Earth, as he’d clutched Dean tightly and ripped him from damnation.

The sentence that gave birth to a new life, a new purpose and a freedom he could have never fathomed even as his previous existence died to give way to this new truth. How could it be possible to have been so blind until the moment he’d first laid a hand on Dean in perdition?

 

_You have fallen in every way imaginable._

_When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was **lost**_ **.**

Castiel would die a thousand lifetimes to give Dean the smallest chance of just a second more. He would sacrifice and throw himself into danger over and over and over until he couldn’t any longer. He would sacrifice without hesitation.

_Cas, you just gave up an entire army for one guy._

Each new chance, every offering of another life, was simply another opportunity to continue to save this one human. Chuck kept giving him new life, new chances and Castiel greedily took them with his eyes on his most important goal.

 

_To save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean you draped yourself in the flag of Heaven but, ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?_

 

To save this human that his fellow angels would call insignificant.

Useless.

Pointless.

Unworthy.

His grace knew Dean’s soul better than he knew himself. Knew that Dean was anything but insignificant, useless, pointless, unworthy…Dean was _worth it_.

**_Knowing you, it…it’s been the best part of my life. And the things that...the things we’ve shared together, they have changed me._ **

**_You’re my family. I love you._ **

 

Castiel sighed as he leaned back in his chair and looked over at Dean sitting across the table, eyes drooping and cheek smashed into the palm of his hand as he idly flipped through the book open in front of him trying and failing to truly concentrate on the words.

The room was near silent, warm and comfortable, with the two of them seated at the huge table that nearly dominated the space.

 _This_ was worth everything.

A peaceful moment, a moment he could idly gaze at the flashing and rolling light hidden beneath Dean’s warm skin. Dean Winchester’s soul _danced_ and _sang_ as Castiel watched it with a small little smile on his face.

It was beautiful.

Awe-inspiring and breathtaking.

Castiel only wished that Dean could see what Castiel saw each time he gazed upon him. He wished that Dean could know a fraction of the emotion that Castiel housed inside of himself. Every time Dean doubted his worth, every time pain and self-hatred showed in those bright green eyes, Castiel wished it with every single fiber of his being that Dean could _see_ what he saw every time he looked.

He wondered what Dean would say if he knew that Castiel had greedily hoarded every single prayer, every single word that Dean had directed at them, and kept them so he had some part of Dean always with him no matter where he had been. No matter how far they had been separated over the years Castiel had always had a piece of Dean with him.

The sound of a page turning and a weary sigh pulled him back to focus on the form of flesh and blood that housed the single most beautiful soul in all of creation. He didn’t think Michael could have truly contained Dean even if Dean had said _yes_.

How could anyone hope to contain such light?

Dean wasn’t meant to be chained, shoved aside and used as nothing more than a vessel. He was meant for _more_. Dean was meant for so much more and Castiel hoped desperately that Dean could find a way to understand that, truly understand it.

Maybe then Dean would stop hating himself.

“Cas?”

Castiel blinked and focused on Dean once more. “Yes?”

“You ok?” concern had green eyes focusing, sharpening as Dean shoved his fatigue away and Dean’s bright soul seemed to surged towards him as though it was trying to reach across the table to offer him comfort.

Castiel smiled.

“I’m fine.”

How could he even begin to describe the feelings that Dean’s very existence inspired inside an angel who had only lived for following the rules? Who had blindly followed and thought nothing of the lives he’d taken along the way?

“Are you sure?” Dean’s eyes narrowed slightly in concentration as he regarded Castiel, “You looked lost.”

 _Sometimes I get lost in the sight of your soul_.

The thought danced through his mind as Castiel shifted in his seat causing the trench coat he’d draped over the back to move, bunching slightly behind him, before he focused completely, once more, on Dean. “I was thinking.”

“About the case?”

 _No_.

“I don’t think it’s a pagan god.” He offered instead, a conclusion he’d come to long ago, but it worked as something to answer Dean’s question and put off the thoughts his mind had taken to turning over. Idly he wondered if Sam and Mary were having any luck on their own case in Ohio. “I think it might be a rogue angel.”

There were still a few of them, ones that had yet to be found, and it was entirely possible one of his siblings had started becoming more active after everything that had happened since the fall that seemed so long ago.

An existence ago.

“I thought they were all rounded up.” Dean’s brow furrowed and his lips turned down. Castiel could see a hint of frustration at the case leading towards a fallen angel and resolved to do his best to handle it. “I thought Lucifer was the last one running around unchecked.”

They’d had enough run-ins with his siblings since the angels had once more walked on the Earth in preparation of the apocalypse that had never happened. That wasn’t even taking into consideration Lucifer and the archangel’s offspring. He’d rather not think about _that_.

Dean shut the book with a groan, shoved his chair back and stretched, back popping, as he sighed and stood.

“Want a beer?” he paused as he turned towards the kitchen. Dean glanced over his shoulder leveling Castiel with a considering look as he waited. Castiel offered a short nod and watched Dean wandering off at a sedate pace.

The weight on Dean’s shoulders wasn’t near as heavy as it had been in the past but it still weighed him down.

Countless lives, fights and deaths did that.

The fact that Dean was still standing, still pushing forward and fighting was a miracle and a testament of the kind of unspoken strength he possessed. The kind of strength that drew Castiel’s attention. The kind he admired and wanted to protect to the very end.

A bottle clinked on the table in front of him and Castiel dragged his eyes up to where Dean was leaning against the table, stance relaxed and lazy, as he opened his own bottle and took a short drink.

“Penny for your thoughts.”

Castiel considered. He thought of all the times he had watched Dean fall down and pick himself back up. Thought about all of the times they lost each other, the pain dragging both of them down and tearing at their very cores, until they had somehow gotten another chance.

His mind wandered to the missed opportunities and near misses.

As long as he could be _Cas,_ surrounded by the family he’d found and loved, and not have to go back to the cold, emotionless existence of before Dean everything would be ok. He would be content.

Castiel had found a _home_.

Home was green eyes, freckles and the brightest soul contained within Dean Winchester. Home was a human who meant everything.

He turned his head, regarding Dean with serious eyes and watched how something in Dean seemed to recognize his intentions. Dean’s soul twisted, leaping and bounding under freckled skin, before it lazily reached out to him in the same unspoken offering it always seemed so quick to extend to him.

It was a silent offering, a promise, of love and protection and companionship. Of loyalty and sacrifice. An offering of more than could be put into words. Castiel’s grace settled, pleased and sure in the faith he’d come to put in Dean, as he met Dean’s eyes and offered a small quirk of his lips. It was time. After so many deaths and near misses it was time to say the truth of it.

Time to reveal the biggest truth of a long existence he had once imagined would be endless until the first time he’d lost his life in his quest to save Dean Winchester and the humans Dean fought for every single day.

“Dean…I’m in love with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is set some unknown time in the future after the unknown Season 13 we have yet to see. Sometimes (every single time I watch SPN if I'm truthful) I just these two to be happy, safe and loved.
> 
> Hope this wasn't too out there but I mostly wanted to write some kind of reflection from Castiel on how everything seemed to change the second he pulled Dean out of Hell.
> 
> And yes...I realize this makes two fics in two days that lack smut or something dark but I couldn't quite help myself. Also, yes, I realize it was evil as fuck to leave it right there but I couldn't help myself. It was too tempting not to leave it with Castiel revealing his truth.


End file.
